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  • Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
    - Because they don’t have any.

  • Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
    A: About 45 pounds!!

  • Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
    A: We don’t know. Never happens.

  • Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
    A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.

  • Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
    A: Outlaws are wanted.

  • Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
    A: A box of quackers.

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  • Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.

  • When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s £1.50 per minute

  • Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own

  • I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

  • I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

  • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

  • The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

  • I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.

  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

  • Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  • Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

  • Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

  • The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

  • Don’t take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.

  • It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

  • Is there another word for synonym?

  • Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagent ring, a wedding ring, and suffering

  • ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

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Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

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A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: “I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?”

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