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A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis.
He said, my strength is my wife.
My weakness is my neighbors wife.
Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out.
Threat comes when I myself go out.

Santa Singh’s wife was expecting and the baby was due any day. Santa was very confident it would be a boy and was looking forward to the D-day. As fate would have it, he was transferred to another city and had to join office immediately. Before going, he asked his father -in-law to send a telegram confirming birth of his son. But in order to avoid giving party to his office colleagues, he asks his father -in-law to write “the watch has arrived” and he will understand that the son is born.

The D-day arrived. His wife delivered a cute little baby girl. Now Santa’s father-in-law didn’t know what to do. If he writes “the watch has arrived” Santa will think he has got a Son. If he writes ” watch has not arrived” Santa will get worried that something serious has happened. But being a very intelligent person,he finds a solution and sends the telegram.

Santa received the telegram, opened it eagerly and reads “The watch has arrived, but the pendulum is missing”.

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O’clock in the morning, a resounding noise came form outside…

The woman, sort of bewildered, jumps up from the bed and yells at the man:
Shit!, that must be my husband!?

So the guy quickly got out of bed , scared, and naked. He jumped out the window like a crazy man, smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.

Just a few minutes later he returns and tells the woman:
I’m your husband, you ****!!!