ApnaySms.net » Cool/Decent SMS

Cool & Interesting Facts!

Aamir — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 11:13:17 +0000

Did you know that when you envy someone, it’s because you really like that person?

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need some one to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: “I love you, Sorry and help me”

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two folds?

Did you know that it’s easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that what is most difficult for you to say or do is much more valuable than anything that is valuable that you can buy with money?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you’d be surprised by what you could do.

Cool & Interesting Facts! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Indians Identity Tips-Cool SMS!

Aamir — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 10:28:58 +0000

1. Everything you eat is savored in garlic, onion and tomatoes.
2.. You try and reuse gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminum foil.
3. You are Always standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the Airport.
4. You arrive one or two hours late to a party – and think it’s normal.
5. You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp.
6. You recycle Wedding Gifts, Birthday Gifts and Anniversary Gifts.
7. You name your children! in rhythms (example, Sita & Gita, Ram & Shyam, Kamini & Shamini.)
8. All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names.
9. You take Indian snacks anywhere it says ‘No Food Allowed’ ..
10. You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone’s house.
11. You load up the family car with as many people as possible.
12. You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it’s the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch.
13. Your parents tell you not to care what your friends think, but they won’t let you do certain things because of what the other ‘Uncles and Aunties’ will think..
14. You buy and display crockery, which is never used, as it is for special occasions,which never happen.
15. You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
16. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
17. You keep leftover food in your fridge in as many numbers of bowls as possible.
18. Your kitchen shelf is full of jars, varieties of bowls and plastic utensils (got free with purchase of other stuff )
19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).
20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.
21. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
22. You live with your parents and you are 40 years old. (And they prefer it that way).

23. You don’t use measuring cups when cooking.
24. You never learnt how to stand in a queue.
25. You can only travel if there are 5 persons at least to see you off or receive you whether you are traveling by bus, train or plane.
26. If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel proud to spread it at the velocity of more than the speed of light.
27. Your wedding gifts are mostly in cash with a one rupee coin added to the note in a cover.
28. If you don’t live at home, when your parents call, they ask if you’ve eaten, even if it’s midnight.
29. You call an older person you never met before Uncle or Aunty.
30. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes,you discover you’re talking to a distant cousin.
31. Your parents don’t realize phone connections ! to foreign countries have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of their lungs when making foreign calls.
32. You have bed sheets on your sofas so as to keep them from getting dirty.
33. It’s embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.
34. All your Tupperware is stained with food color.
35. You have drinking glasses made of steel.
36. You have mastered the art of bargaining in shopping.

Indians Identity Tips-Cool SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Cool, Funny-SMS!

Aamir — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 09:52:09 +0000

Its funny when people discuss over “love marriage” and “arranged marriage”
It is like asking a person if he would like to “hang himself” or “shoot himself”.

What is a girl friend?
Addition of problems, subtraction of money, multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

Guide: “I welcome you all to Niagara Falls . These are the world’s largest
waterfalls and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20
supersonic plane s passing by can’t be heard.

Now may I request the ladies to keep quite so that we can hear the Niagara
Falls?”

Cool, Funny-SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

SWOT Analysis-Adult SMS!

Aamir — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 09:48:52 +0000

A married man was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat) Analysis. He said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbors wife. Opportunity comes when neighbor goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out. SWOT Analysis-Adult SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

SWOT Analysis-Adult SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Cool Q&A’s-SMS!

Aamir — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 09:33:52 +0000

Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?
A. Moti-vating!!!

Q. What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE?
A. Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai… Doosri bigadti hai to ‘SHUROO’ ho jati hai

Q. Doctor: App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai.
A .Man: Hoga, zarur hoga; 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai.

Q. What’s the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE?
A. In both cases you feel ‘aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta’

Q. Ek admi ne sadhu se kaha, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upaay bataiye.
A. Sadhu bola , saale, Upaay hota to main sadhu kyoon banta?*

Cool Q&A’s-SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Tension-Cool SMS!

Aamir — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 06:47:45 +0000

The moment you are in TENSION

You will lose your ATTENTION

Then you are in total CONFUSION

and you’ll feel IRRITATION

This may spoil your personal RELATIONS

Ultimately, you won’t get COOPERATION

And get things into COMPLICATION

Then you may raise CAUTION.

And you have to take MEDICATION

Why not try understanding the SITUATION

And try to think about the SOLUTION

Many problems will be solved by DISCUSSION

Which will work out better in your PROFESSION

Don’t think this is a free SUGGESTION

It is only for your PREVENTION

If you understand my INTENTION

You’ll never come again into TENSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tension-Cool SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Funny Definations-SMS!

Aamir — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:03:12 +0000

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Funny Definations-SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Motivational Story!

Aamir — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:39:16 +0000

A jobless man applied for the position of “office boy” at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. “You are employed.” He said.” Give me your e-mail address and I’llsend you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.”
The man replied “But I don’t have a computer, neither an email.”
I’m sorry”, said the HR manager, “If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go
everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, “I don’t have an email”. The broker answered curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!”

The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!”

Moral of the story:
M1 – Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 – If you don’t have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 – If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. ………

Motivational Story! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Happiest of People-Msg!

Aamir — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:40:32 +0000

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything. They just make the most of everything… that comes along their way. Happiest of People-Msg! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Happiest of People-Msg! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Only One Life-Msg!

Aamir — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:19:54 +0000

Dream what you want to dream. Go where you want to go. Be what you want to be. Because you have only one life. One chance to do all the things you want to do. Only One Life-Msg! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Only One Life-Msg! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Smile-SMS

Aamir — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:11:37 +0000

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile. Because it takes only a smile… To make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart laugh. Smile-SMS is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Smile-SMS is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Live Life This Way-Cool SMS

Aamir — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:47:09 +0000

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
3. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
4. ! When you say, “I love you,” mean it.
5. When you say, “I’m sorry,” look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first! sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
11. Don’t judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?”
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.
16. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
17. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
18. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
19. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.

21. Spend some time alone.!

Live Life This Way-Cool SMS is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Cool Office Rules SMS!

Aamir — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 20:00:02 +0000

1. Rule 1. – The Boss is always right.
2. Rule 2. – If the Boss is wrong, see rule 1.
3. Those who work get more work. Others get pay, perks, and promotions.
4. Ph.D. stands for “Pull Him Down”. The more intelligent a person, the more hardworking a person, the more committed a person; the more number of persons are engaged in pulling that person down.
5. If you are good, you will get all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
6.. When the Bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
7. It doesn’t matter what you do, it only matters what you say you’ve done and what you are going to do.
8. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
9. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
10. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
11. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it…
12. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
13.. Following the rules will not get the job done.
14. If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
15. Everything can be filed under “Miscellaneous” .
16. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.
17. You can do any amount of work provided it isn’t the work you are supposed to be doing..
18. In order to get a promotion, you need not necessarily know your job.
19.. In order to get a promotion, you only need to pretend that you know your job.
20.. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Cool Office Rules SMS! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Golden Rules After Marriage!

Aamir — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:08:22 +0000

If you are already in a relationship or married, these are the rules that you ought to follow:

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.

7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whats on her mind whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14. The female always gets the last word!

Golden Rules After Marriage! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Cool Men Facts!

Aamir — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:57:53 +0000

Q: What is the difference between men and puppies?
A: Puppies grow up.

Q: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
A: Because they are…

Q: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
A: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Q: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first?
A: Who cares?????.. …

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Q: What’s the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO ?
A: I don’t know, I’ve never seen either.

Q: What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
A: I) no mind ii) no business

Q: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A:! Because even back then men wouldn’t ask for directions .
Q: What is the difference between men and pigs?
A: Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink…

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?
A: Exchange him!!

Q: Why do men like smart women?
A: Opposites attract.

Cool Men Facts! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Be Your Friend!

Aamir — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 20:47:39 +0000

What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
What would you do if for every moment you were truly happy there would be 10 moments of sadness?
What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt?
So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life.
I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you. I’ll Always Be There
In times of trouble,In times of need, If you are feeling SAD, You can count on me.
I will give you a wink, Until you smile, give you a hug, And stand by your side. I’ll be there for you till the end, I’ll always and forever, be your friend!

Be Your Friend! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Laughter Effects!

Aamir — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:05:31 +0000

Laughter’s Effects on the Body

In the last few decades, researchers have studied laughter’s effects on the body and turned up some potentially interesting information on how it affects us:

# Blood flow. Researchers at the University of Maryland studied the effects on blood vessels when people were shown either comedies or dramas. After the screening, the blood vessels of the group who watched the comedy behaved normally – expanding and contracting easily. But the blood vessels in people who watched the drama tended to tense up, restricting blood flow.

# Immune response. Increased stress is associated with decreased immune system response. Some studies have shown that the ability to use humor may raise the level of infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boost the levels of immune cells, as well.

# Blood sugar levels. One study of 19 people with diabetes looked at the effects of laughter on blood sugar levels. After eating, the group attended a tedious lecture. On the next day, the group ate the same meal and then watched a comedy. After the comedy, the group had lower blood sugar levels than they did after the lecture.

# Relaxation and sleep. The focus on the benefits of laughter really began with Norman Cousins’ memoir, Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins, who was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, a painful spine condition, found that a diet of comedies, like Marx Brothers films and episodes of Candid Camera, helped him feel better. He said that 10 minutes of laughter allowed him two hours of pain-free sleep.

Laughter Effects! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Zindagi To Ek!

Aamir — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:59:08 +0000

Zindagi To Ek Khwaab Hai, Woh Zindagi Kya Jisme Khwab Nahi Hote, Hath Ki Lakiron Ko Qismat Na Samajhna, Kismat Unki Bhi Hoti Hai, Jinke Hath Nahi Hote. Zindagi To Ek! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Zindagi To Ek! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Just Give It A Thought!

Aamir — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 17:26:58 +0000

Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.

A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.

Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without… But whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.

You can’t buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.

True friends stab you in the front.

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

Just Give It A Thought! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Cool English To Hindi Translations!

Aamir — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 06:04:51 +0000

How do you do?
* Kaise karte ho?

Keep in touch!
* Chhoote Raho.

Lets hang out!
* Chalo bahar latakte hain !

Have a nice day!
* Achcha din lo!

What’s up?
* Uppar kya hai?

You’re kidding!
* Tum bachcha bana rahe ho!

Don’t kid me!
* Mera bachcha mat banaao!

Yo, baby! What’s up?
* Beti Yo, uppar kya hai?

She’s so fine!
* Woh itnee baareek hai!

Listen buddy, that chick’s mine, okay!?
* Suno dost, woh chooza mera hai, theek?

Cool man!
* Thandaa aadmi!

Check this out, man!
* Iskee chaanbeen karo, aadmi!

Hey good looking; what’s cooking?
* Arrey sundarta ki devi; kya pakaa rahee ho?

Are you nuts?
* Kya aap akhrot hain?

Son of a gun.
* Bachcha bandook ka.

Rock the party.
* Party mein patthar pheko.

Don’t mess with me, dude.
* Mere saath gandagi mat karo, e vyakti.

Cool English To Hindi Translations! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

How To Stay Married!

Aamir — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:23:33 +0000

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except
that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or
ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. “When we were to be married,”
she said, “my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to
never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet
and crochet a doll.”

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.

“Honey,” he said, “that explains the doll, but what about all of this
money? Where did it come from?”
Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

How To Stay Married! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Things Women Say…and What They Really Mean!

Aamir — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 05:17:47 +0000

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(Cool Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Things Women Say…and What They Really Mean! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Attitude!

Aamir — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 12:13:09 +0000

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and ask him for a Phone Call. Shop-owner replied Sweety this is no a STD, but you can do one call. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, “Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?
The woman replied, “I already have someone to cut my lawn.”
“Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now.” replied boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance and offered, “Lady, I’ll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North-Palm beach, Florida.”
Again the woman answered in the negative.
With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said,” Son… I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job.”
The little boy replied, “No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!”

Attitude! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Husband!

Aamir — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 09:07:52 +0000

A person who surrenders when he’s WRONG, is HONEST.

A person who SURRENDERS when not SURE, is WISE..

A person who surrenders even if he’s RIGHT, is a HUSBAND.!

Husband! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Philips Tubelight!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:31:11 +0000

Dark were those days, without your sight.

When I was in darkness, you gave me light.

You gave me strength 2 make life bright.

Thank you so much PHILIPS TUBELIGHT

Philips Tubelight! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

I C U!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:13:56 +0000

When I C the moon I C U

When I C the stars I C U

When I C the Sea I C U

Get out of the way U R

always blocking my view.

I C U! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Days Are 2 Busy!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:09:59 +0000

Days are 2 Busy,

Hours are 2 Fast,

Seconds are 2 Few

But there’s always

TIME for ME

2 Disturb YOU

Days Are 2 Busy! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Facts & Fiction!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 07:00:16 +0000

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Borrow money from pessimists–they don’t expect it back

Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.

My Reality Check bounced.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?

Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

Facts & Fiction! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

More FAQ’s

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 06:56:24 +0000

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?

A: What Men Know About Women.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?

A: Take yer foot of his head.

Q:What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love?

A: Honey, I’m home!

Q: What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?

A: Magnets have a positive side!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?

A: There have been sightings of UFOs.

Q: Why were males created before females?

A: Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

More FAQ’s is a post from: ApnaySms.net

FAQ’s!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:30:26 +0000

Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don’t have any.
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 pounds!!
Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don’t know. Never happens.
Q: Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A: To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
Q: What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Q: What do you get when you put three ducks in a box?
A: A box of quackers.

FAQ’s! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Words of Wisdom!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:28:34 +0000

Time is a marvellous healer but is a complete failure as a beautician.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s £1.50 per minute
Never let a man’s mind wander, it’s too little to be out on it’s own
I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
Don’t take life too seriously; no-one gets out alive.
It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
Is there another word for synonym?
Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagent ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.

Words of Wisdom! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Confidence & Confidential-SMS Joke!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:24:48 +0000

Son asks diff btw Confidence and Confidential
Dad says, u are my son, I am Confident.
Ur friend is also my son, thats Confidential

Confidence & Confidential-SMS Joke! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Wooden Leg!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:15:03 +0000

A lady wrote to an advice column in a newspaper: “I have been engaged to a man for some time, but just before the wedding, I find he has a wooden leg. Do you think I should break it off?”

Wooden Leg! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Dogs Shower!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:13:17 +0000

When I was a dog, and you were a flower, I walked over you and gave you a shower!!

Dogs Shower! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

True Friendship!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:09:50 +0000

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window… I look down & den… i lauf again

True Friendship! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Rain Makes Things Beautiful!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:06:15 +0000

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?

Rain Makes Things Beautiful! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

At Dis Moment!

Aamir — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 05:04:56 +0000

At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex. 5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text! Pass on

At Dis Moment! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Who said English is easy?

Aamir — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 11:27:49 +0000

Fill these blanks with Yes or No…..

1._______________ I don’t have a brain.

2._______________ I don’t sense.

3. _______________ I am stupid.

4._______________ I am not a human.

Try to fill.

Who said English is easy? is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Business Slogans!

Aamir — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 09:50:42 +0000

Plumber:
“We repair what your husband fixed.”

Pizza shop slogan:
“7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
“Hello, can we pick your nose?”

Sign at the psychic’s hotline:
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

At a towing company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

Billboard on the side of the road:
“Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”

In a nonsmoking area:
“If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a butcher’s window:
“Let me meat your needs.”

At a car dealership:
“The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop:
“No appointment necessary, we hear you coming.”

Outside a hotel:
“Help! We need inn-experienced people.”

On a desk in a reception room:
“We shoot every third salesman and the second one just left.”

Business Slogans! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Strange But True!

Aamir — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 11:08:52 +0000

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called “Saints”, But now they are called.. “IT professionals”

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker’s T Shirt : “If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off”

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And the other loves too many,

4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!

5) Philosophy of life:
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

Strange But True! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Just Give It A Thought!

Aamir — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 07:33:23 +0000

When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.

What do women want to be liberated from?

Just Give It A Thought! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Average Man’s Life!

Aamir — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 07:31:27 +0000

The average man’s life consists of:
20 years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
40 years of having his wife ask the same question;

and at the end, the mourners wondering too.

Average Man’s Life! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Desi Engliss!

Aamir — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 11:45:01 +0000

Hello!!!

Principal to students… “I saw u yesterday rotating near girls hostel pulling cigarette…?

Class teacher once said:

“pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!”

Once hindi teacher said…”I’m going out of the world to America”

“Don’t try to talk in front of my back”

Dont..laugh at the back benches…otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down…..

it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

” why is fan not oning” (ing form of on)

teacher in a furious mood…

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

“shhh… quiet… the principal is revolving around college”

My manager started like this

“Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids”

“I’ll illustrate what i have in my mind” said the professor and erased the board

“will u hang that calender or else i’ll HANG MYSELF”

LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ,” IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE”

Chemistry HOD comes and tells us…

“My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter”

Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

“why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!”

Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

“I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

“Keep quiet, the principal has passed away”

Desi Engliss! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Life’s Little Lessons!

Aamir — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:10:13 +0000

*Regular Naps Prevents Old Age especially if you take them while Driving
*Marriage is a relationship in which one Person is always Right… the other person is the Husband!!
*You Can not buy Love But You Pay Heavily for it!!

For those who are married like Me:

*No matter how many jobs you change, You still end up with the same Boss!!
*They call our Language The Mother Tongue because Father seldom gets to speak!!

Life’s Little Lessons! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Message for girls!

Aamir — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 10:41:17 +0000

WOMAN has MAN in it.
SHE has HE in it.
Mrs. has Mr. in it.
LADY has LAD in it.
MISTERESS has MISTER in it.
MADAM has ADAM in it.
HOSTESS has HOST in it.
FEMALE has MALE in it

..and so on the list is never ending SO NO need to be proud ….Girls

YOU are always incomplete without Boys.

Message for girls! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Out of Office Auto Replies!

Aamir — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 10:31:30 +0000

This is a list of the best “Out-of-Office” e-mail auto-replies.

I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many people did this over and over).
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
An I, D, I, O, T has occurred, please try later!
Hi. I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
I’ve run away to join a different circus.
Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE.

This is a list of the best “Out-of-Office” e-mail auto-replies. If you know more, please email me.

I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as “Lollita” instead of “Steve”

Out of Office Auto Replies! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Powerful Punctuation!

Aamir — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 10:27:54 +0000

An English professor wrote the words: “A woman without her man is nothing”

On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the MALES in the class wrote: “A woman, without her man, is nothing.”

While All the FEMALES in the class wrote: “A woman: without her, man is nothing.”

Powerful Punctuation! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Salary Increase Request!

Aamir — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 10:24:21 +0000

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$ t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

Norman $ oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the media is reporting that the world’s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,

General Manager

Salary Increase Request! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

I’ve Learned!

Aamir — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 11:30:54 +0000

I’ve learned….
That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I’ve learned….
That when you’re in love, it shows.

I’ve learned..
That just one person saying to me, “You’ve made my day!” makes my day.

I’ve learned….
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful
feelings in the world.

I’ve learned….
That being kind is more important than being right.

I’ve learned….
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I’ve learned….
That I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help
him in some other way.

I’ve learned….
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a
friend to act goofy with.

I’ve learned….
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to
understand.

I’ve learned….
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I
was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I’ve Learned! is a post from: ApnaySms.net

Pakistani In US!

Aamir — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 09:31:47 +0000

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a big dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says “You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers “Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl”

The man says – “But I am not a New Yorker!”

“Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning “Brave American saves life of little girl’” – the policeman answers.

“But I am not an American!” – says the man.
“Oh, what are you then?”
The man says – “I am a Pakistani!”
The next day the newspapers prints headline “Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being investigated”

Pakistani In US! is a post from: ApnaySms.net