Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Borrow money from pessimists–they don’t expect it back
Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
My Reality Check bounced.
Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Don’t spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo… 1 was caught watching tv… another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
Chand Mera Dil Chandni Ho Tum Chand Se Hai Door Chandni Kahan
Laut Ke Aana Hai Yahi Tumko Jaa Rahe Ho Tum Jao Meri Jaan
Waise To Har Qadam Milenge Log Sanam
Milega Saccha Pyaar Mushkil Se
Dil Ki Dosti Khel Nahi Koi
Dil Se Dil Hai Milta Yaar Mushkil Se
Yahi To Hai Sanam Pyar Ka Thikana
Main Hoon, Main Hoon, Main Hoon
Chand Mera Dil…
The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning its head are the rabbit and the parrot.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

